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Comment: Riyad Mahrez, another talented schmuck scooped up in a Manchester City transfer simply for the sake of it

A small crowd had gathered outside the main entrance of the Etihad Stadium to watch the unveiling of Riyad Mahrez as a Manchester City player. It consisted of several selfie-hunting kids, roughly the same number of patient parents, a shirtless bloke who wanted Mahrez to autograph his back, and a pair of terrifying-looking furry aliens called Moonchester and Moonbeam dressed neck to toe in box-fresh Nike, who were either City’s official club mascots or the visitations of a particularly lurid cheese nightmare that were visible to me and me alone. It wouldn’t be the first time. For days I’ve been trying to convince friends and family that I saw Harry Maguire playing in central defence for England at the World Cup. “Yes, of course he is,” they replied. Ever get the feeling you’re being gaslit by your loved ones?

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